Mother

To the vessel that brought me here, I thank you.

To turn your back on your blessings; it’s shameful you chose ho’ing over two kids you could’ve given a chance to.

Ungrateful.

He trusted you with the job of a queen, a matriarch.

You chose the dark. Broke us apart, and never have you attempted to own up to your faults.

We lived despite.

We did alright.

Dad stepped in and loved us with all his might.

But I, I needed you the most.

You should’ve taught me self-respect and the power of “no”

Kept me protected from perverts and the foes.

You’ll never know how fast I had to grow to survive the consequences of your neglect, being sexualized by the people I loved most.

He deserves a toast, because the woman I am today is no reflection of you, but one he fathered and chose.

To fulfill a feat, you chose to dispose.

And then she wa s born, I finally see.

I could never do to her what you did to me.

I got to find my woman, so I can teach her how to be.

He set the right pieces in place, and it was clear to see he was working on his plan so I can be what you couldn’t be to me.

She made it worth it to be here.

All that trauma and pain, abuse, and disdain

Made it all worth it, cuz I’ll be walking in shoes you could never claim.

It took some time. A long time.

But I stand on a new foundation of new beginnings and kept promises,

With no abuse or being pushed aside then,

Blamed for something I didn’t cause.

Constantly wondering, why the hell you had me for?

You needed a child’s love.

But you lost your child’s love,

And now the only love you need is that inner child you neglect love.

I don’t need to forgive you cuz I forgave myself a long time ago.

And one day you’ll know you brought a child into this world,

To burden with your infections, instead of looking beyond yourself

And starting a generation, that learned to love, be kind, and have meaningful conversation.

Maybe we would’ve been ok,

But you ruined it with your rejections, to mask your depression.

Get affirmation from my success and other men with bad intentions.

See, my daughter’s heart will always know my love she can’t deny.

I’ll be there for her cries,

And when she questions God, I’ll tell her the story about you and how I made it through alive.

I used to beg him to die. Attempted suicide plenty of times, but he’d grab ahold of my heart and made me feel, breathe, and see life; opened my eyes.

What I used to see as hell, became my heaven. It’s just life lessons. God is always teaching, he’s always present.

To the moms out there who’ve been hurt, neglected, and abandoned.

Don’t take it out on your kids, that’s a dangerous habit.

Seek help, talk to someone don’t let the stigma keep you trapped in

Tap in. Focus on within.

The pain, anxiety, and trauma, don’t suppress it, get the message.

The generational curse can be broken with just one action.

Try.

Try your best to be the best than what you’ve been exposed to.

Don’t fall under the standard social media has you exposed to.

You can’t go wrong with love, but love without resentment.

Don’t think because you survived, they deserve the same infection.

Pass wisdom, don’t pass the poison, give your children a chance.

Sometimes love is all we can give, leave it to God and his plans.

Pave a new way, lead them to learn and grow.

Cut the chain of resentment and blame.

He will forsake your soul without judgement or shame.

Don’t let the new way cause dismay. Your future starts today.

Your child loves with no condition, forgives with no hesitation.

A reflection of the one who created your blessing.

Thank God for the mom’s who stayed despite the situation.